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Nobody Understands....

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by Justin707, Sep 18, 2011.

  1. Justin707

    Justin707 New Member

    My name is Justin. Army vet of Iraq '03-'04. I hate always feeling the way that I do. A few years ago I got fed up with it so bad I enrolled myself in a 30 day ptsd lockdown program at the VA Hospital. That was absolutely terrible. It was nice being around other vets but the staff there was fucking retarded. In a nutshell they said I was fucked and gave me paperwork to process a claim. Other vets were stoked to get their claims but I took it as an insult. I don't want their pity money cause I can't mentally tough this shit out. Fuck them. Somehow, since then, I've scored a good job with enough befits to keep me on the meds I need to get by. But recently I have noticed my behavior has gone to shit. My fuse is growing shorter and shorter. I feel like I'm going to snap on the people that love me soon. Two days ago I was dreaming I was clearing houses in falluja, breaking shit, typical. I woke up standing in my bathroom with my girlfriend staring at me. The bathroom was destroyed and my hands were bleeding. I broke down after I realized what had happened. I'm not suicidle thank God. Had to many friends take the easy way out. Pussies if you ask me. I don't know if I'm trying to ask for something or just need a place to vent. Anyway if someone read this whole thing....thanks
  2. Zipperhead

    Zipperhead Well-Known Member

    Your welcome
  3. Justin707

    Justin707 New Member

    Nice....
    Ned likes this.
  4. Fargo

    Fargo Well-Known Member

    Justin,

    Welcome. That is the beauty of this place. We all come here to vent when we have to vent. Ask for advice when we need advice and read when we don't know what else to do. We have all been in the shit and come back and we have all had to deal with the fallout.

    Pull up a chair, read a bunch and here's to you, me and everyone else getting better.

    Fargo
    Ned and Justin707 like this.
  5. Jimmy

    Jimmy Well-Known Member Can Ban

    Welcome to the forum Justin. I hated the fact that I was too fucked to continue serving. The most important person is you. I am happy you can hold down a job, I can't. It's not pity money they throw at you. They sent you to a nightmare and you came home different. There is nothing anyone can do. It's like workers compensation. Your choice
  6. Ned

    Ned Well-Known Member

    Justin. Well you vent pretty articulate. That's a good sign. I'd re-examine the opportunity to claim, tho.
    How often does the establishment even begin to admit liability? And it was them passing a judgement.
    Don't lose the sense of humour...

    PS. It's not pity money, they haven't got that much soul..........
  7. william

    william Active Member

    Yeah, Justin​

    They seem to just give you a bone and expect you to gnaw on it. I fought for a few years before they even listened to me. They want to put all their veterans into a box and expect everyone to fit into tiny little slots. Like you can't even have different problems unless it fits into their ideology of what this shit is.​
    Hang in their Justin. I know it feels like the entire is pushing in on only you, but we are all going through it. The problem with PTSD is it is a very personal disorder. We might have the same symptomatology but we all feel it in a different way. No one is fitting into those tiny little slots.​
    The meds don't always work, cannabis works for me but not always feasible for veterans to use. Especially, when there are drug tests on jobs.​
  8. deborah l. boylan

    deborah l. boylan Active Member

    Welcome Justin! There is a lot of knowledge here and some good ears for listening. You mentioned that you have dreams about Fallujah. I was there in '05. It was definitely a place to give you bad dreams. Pull up a chair and set a spell. We're here for you.

    Deb
  9. Abnvet

    Abnvet Active Member

    Welcome to the board. Pull up a chair and have a look around. Discuss and/or vent when need be. IMO we all have our own stories that seem to have similarities at times. Sometimes our stories help others while at times they don't do a thing.

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