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Former Hospital Corpsman, Oif Vet

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by HM3(FMF), Jul 4, 2012.

  1. HM3(FMF)

    HM3(FMF) New Member

    Hello, My name is Carl and I was a Hospital Corpsman with the USMC for 6 years, deploying in support of OIF from August 2006 to March of 2007. During my deployment I lost 117 Soldiers, Marines, and Airmen, most of them passing in my arms. I wouldn't allow myself to grieve, keeping everything I had bottled up for a long time, which I couldn't take anymore shortly after returning to the states. I was anxious, paranoid, violent, and ostracized everyone I ever cared about away from me.

    5 years later, the symptoms are starting to get worse and I see myself sliding back to where I was before. I am currently waiting for my VA appointment to continue my therapy, but am looking forward to the opportunity to talk with fellow Veterans that are going and have gone through the same things I am dealing with today.
  2. Jimmy

    Jimmy Well-Known Member Can Ban

    Welcome mate.

    All I can say is don't blame yourself. Your symptoms are normal for PTSD.
    Get the help, get on some meds to help you deal with it and ask any questions you want.

    Cheers

    Jimmy
  3. Zipperhead

    Zipperhead Well-Known Member

    Morning Carl
  4. Sarg

    Sarg Well-Known Member Can Ban

    Welcome aboard and hats off to ya, corpsman! You'll find answers and comfort here. Ditto what Jimmy said.

    Sarg
    tho9900 likes this.
  5. nomedic1

    nomedic1 Active Member

    welcome hope we can help
  6. medic5

    medic5 Active Member

    Welcome Carl,
    There are other corpsmen and medics on this site and many of us are going through or have went through what you are experiencing now. I don't know about the Marines but the Air Force and Army ( I was in both) taught us medics do not let the wounded see any emotion whatso ever on our faces. Tell them it will be okay give them morphine or demoral, tag and move on. After awhile I was lying to myself, with I'm okay of course alcohol made it so much easier.

    I don't even remember when ( I think it was when I found myself in the Missouri River in the middle of December) that I realized I couldn't go on anymore the way I was. Hitting rock bottom I knew I could only go up, because I was a fighter. Several years later I was finally diagnosed with PTSD. For three years I thought I was crazy.

    So hang in there, vent, cry, scream or whatever you have to do on this site. You are in a safe place.
    tho9900 likes this.
  7. Tim Cake

    Tim Cake Well-Known Member

    Welcome aboard. I owe my life (a few times over) to field medics. God bless y'all.
    tho9900 likes this.
  8. tho9900

    tho9900 Well-Known Member

    Carl... Semper Fi buddy... former FMF Devil Doc here... did a little more than 3 years out greenside... two separate deployments, 22nd MAU and 26th MEU

    You and I saw some pretty shitty things... then came back stateside to a hospital (at least for me) and had those memories reinforced over and over... I know I said it somewhere... but there came a day right before I got discharged that I realized I was hiding behind a wall so thick I couldn't even show a patient I cared... if I did I knew the lid would been taken off that pot of boiling water.. I called my mom crying like a baby that evening.. believe it or not she understood...

    I said this to someone else but get one of the vet organizations like DAV, VFW or American Legion help you with filing for disability.. their lawyers will fight for you, and if ANYTHING happened to you while in you are eligible for a rating... even if that rating is 0%, if it ever flares up it makes the claim process to up the rating a lot easier.. Another reason to talk to them as well... if you are near a VAMC there are reps from all 3 orgs there 8 to 5 all week. If you are only near a clinic there will be one of each there at least 2 times a week, the clinic can give you the schedule..

    Thing is it is ok to feel like you do here... we all got it... and like I said a lotta docs here who definitely have been where you have... might not have felt the same or seen the same.. but we all had the same job and same unspoken order to "shove it down inside and go on to the next casualty"

    Oh ya there should be a vet center near you you can get help from even if you havent completed the VA thing..

    the only requirement is you served in a combat zone..

    http://www.vetcenter.va.gov/

    You can look up the closest to you there on the upper right of the page where you see the map...


    And if things get real bad, call 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1.... that will put you in touch with a veterans rep counseller who will try to help... saved my ass more than once... once I was in the Mental Health system, one night I called and he told me to show up at the VA the next morning (after talking to me for abt an hour)... I did and they already had my chart out and a social worker there to talk to me when I stepped through the door.

    We all have your back, and you might feel the need to back off from the site now and then that is ok too... we all do now and again...

    If you feel like talking to a fellow Doc msg me...
  9. Anglesachse

    Anglesachse Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the fold Carl mucker.
  10. Lee C

    Lee C Well-Known Member

  11. shogun

    shogun Active Member

    Rah Doc,
    Don't ever call a FMF corpsman a fuckin nurse eh? Welcome to the forum brother.
    tho9900 likes this.

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